The weirdest, coolest thing just happened to me.

I need to explain a few things before I tell you about it.

As you know, I recently moved. We’re living in a two bedroom basement suite down by the Esquimalt Lagoon now.

What the Esquimalt Lagoon is, is this place where the ocean kind of dips into a like, massive… area… It’s, you know, a lagoon. They’ve built a road that runs across the lagoon, splitting it into two sections. On one side of the road is the ocean, on the other is this like, massive lake thing. I assume it’s connected to the ocean somehow, though I don’t really know how. So the road basically drives over the ocean. It’s not a bridge though. It’s like a land bridge. This long strip that they’ve built up in the middle of this water where you essentially drive THROUGH the ocean. There’s beaches on both sides of the road.

Anyway, there’s two ways to drive to work from our house. The shorter way goes through the suburbs and then into the more “city” like part of where we live. It’s all traffic lights and stores and the mall and whatnot. The other, longer, way goes across the lagoon and then through this small forest like area for a couple of miles and then shoots me out onto the road that the store I work at is on.

I usually go that way, because I fucking hate driving through the traffic and five million stop lights the “shorter” way has. It takes me a little while longer, but it’s a much more relaxing drive. Plus, I usually stop at the beach and have a smoke on my way to work. I used to always stand around outside of the store and smoke right before I went in. But I’ve come to really dig stopping at the beach and looking at the ocean while I smoke.

I’ve started doing that on the drive home now too.

It’s ridiculously peaceful down by the beach at midnight. It’s all quiet and dark, but never so dark that you can’t see what you’re looking at. There’s enough civilization around to reflect off of the water and the clouds to light the area.

So yeah, tonight I’m driving home from the movies (I went to see I Love You, Man at the cheap theater) and I stop at the beach for a smoke.

Wait.

Before I tell you the rest.

Every time I drive home at 12:30 or so, there are always a buttload of cars parked at the beach. Even on weeknights. But it’s not like I see any people running around on the beach or anything. Just people sitting in their cars. In the middle of the night. I’ve always thought that was kind of weird and didn’t know what they were doing. Then tonight I figured it out, both because of light from inside of parked cars. The first light I saw was someone sparking a lighter. Then lighting it again and again. I figured out pretty quick that they were smoking a bong. Ah HA! They’re smoking weed down by the beach! Fair enough. If I had weed right now, I’d probably go down to the beach and smoke it as well. Though I wouldn’t sit in my car to do it. I’d be down by the water. But whatever.

The second light I saw was the dome light in someone’s car. That’s when i figured out the OTHER thing people do down there. They fuck. I saw this couple just going at it. HARD too. It was crazy. I was driving past, so it’s not like I got a show or anything. But I saw plenty enough to figure out what was going on.

The other thing I need to explain before I tell you about the weird, cool thing, is that there’s a LOT of wildlife around here. Much more so than anywhere else I’ve lived. There are deer EVERYWHERE. This is a much more wooded area and the deer are always in our backyard. I’d say probably 75% of nights when I go out for a smoke, I catch a deer hanging out in the yard.

These are totally chill deer too. Usually, in the past, when I’ve seen deer, it’s because I’ve just activated the motion detector on the outside halogen lights. The lights would come on and the deer would look at me all freaked out and stop what they’re doing and kind of back away, all like “BUSTED!”. But the other night I went outside to smoke, and the light came on, and there was a deer SITTING in the backyard. Just sitting there, in the middle of the grass. I kind of looked at him like “Hey” and he was like “Hey bro. What’s up?” and I was like “Nothing. You’re a deer.” and he was like “Totes McGoats” and I was like “That’s cool.” and he was like “Whatcha doin?” and I was like “You know, nothing. Just having a smoke.” and he was like “Cool. Cool beans.” and I was like “Sooo… like… what’re you up to?” and he was like “Nothing really. Just having a sit. That’s cool right? I mean, you don’t mind if I sit here?” and I was like “No, no, it’s cool. I don’t care.” and he was like “Cool. I’m kind of tired. Thanks.” and then I was like “No prob, Bob. So what have you been up to lately? Done anything cool?” and he was like “Oh. You know. Deer stuff. Usual kind of deer stuff. Walking through backyards. Standing by the road. Eating people’s flowers and shit.” and I was like “Ahh… that’s cool.”

Anyway.

So yeah, driving home I always have to be careful and put my brights on so I can make sure no animals jump out in front of the car. On my way home I usually see deer, raccoons, geese, ducks and rabbits. And, you know, cats and stuff.

Tonight what happened (this is the weird, cool thing) I was driving across the lagoon and an animal runs out in front of the car. I slow down enough that I’m not going to hit it. The animal was hauling ass from the lake side of the lagoon to the ocean side. And I see that it’s wet. I thought that was kind of weird. I knew it wasn’t a rabbit, because it was too big and it didn’t move like a rabbit. I thought it might be a cat. But it was all slinky and low to the ground, not at all like a cat. Then I thought raccoon. But I’m looking at this thing and it’s got this long ass, weird looking tail. And, again, it was too smooth and sleek to be a raccoon. So I’m driving past, looking at this thing thinking “What the fuck IS that thing?!” I thought maybe it was some kind of weasel or something.

Then I figured it out. It was a fucking OTTER. I almost hit an OTTER driving home from the movies.

I’ve never in my life almost hit an otter with my car. When the fuck does THAT ever happen? Seriously!

That was totally awesome. I would have been devastated if I’d hit it. I’d be totally freaked out and bummed if I hit any animal with my car, but if I hit an otter? Shit… I don’t know what I’d do with myself.

You know, a lot of animals are on my shit list. Otters are not one of them. Otters are fucking cool. They have little hands and they swim really fast and can hold their breath a long time. Otters are A-OKAY in my book.

Anyway, that’s what I wanted to tell you about. I thought it was cool.

Related posts:

1. Strange weirdness I’ve got a post going that I started this morning but haven’t finished yet. It’s a basic pissing and moaning...
2. Travelling Cigarettes Most nights when I’m coming home from work at 12:30 am, I stop at the beach for a smoke. Usually...
3. This just happened Fucking raccoons. I hate them so much. Okay, so it’s 1:30 in the morning and I just went outside for...
4. My neck is being weird It hurts, right under my jaw, and feels swollen and weird. It hurts when I turn my head a certain...
5. Weird Al So Weird Al’s last few albums haven’t done much for me. I don’t know if Al’s gotten worse or if I’ve...
6. Is this weird? Sometimes I get stuck on a phrase, or a sentence, or just a part of a sentence, I mumble it...
7. Dreams last night I had a lot of crazy dreams last night. I know that at one point I dreamed I was Heath...
8. Dreams last night I had a lot of crazy dreams last night. I know that at one point I dreamed I was Heath...
9. Weird So a friend of mine posted on her Facebook status that someone left a Nazi knife at her house after...
10. Peanuts and the Stick Tonight on my way home from work I did what I usually do, which is stop at the beach and...

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 8th, 2009 at 11:16 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.