There are just too damned many of these things that I want.

And I found (from the same guy who did these. A Japanese dude. I had to translate his website to navigate it) these pictures of a copy of the Widow model I’ve been pining for for months now.

I really should have bought an airbrush with my christmas money rather than those noise cancelling headphones.

I waited too long to buy that Alien Mother model kit that I wanted. I knew I should have got it when I had the chance! Now it’s not for sale anymore and I can’t find one online anywhere. All I can find is some guy selling one already built and painted on ebay for five hundred bucks (YEAH RIGHT).

Those are an example of a good looking build of the model.

This is what the one the guy selling on ebay looks like.

It’s not that he did a BAD job on it… I just really don’t like the style of it at all.

Oh well. Maybe it’ll turn up again.

—EDIT—

Alright, I called Monsters in Motion, the company that was selling the model, and the guy there said that it’s out of stock but that they’d probably get some more by the end of summer. That works alright for me I was worried that it was out of production permanently or something.

So a friend of mine posted on her Facebook status that someone left a Nazi knife at her house after a party. I asked her what she was talking about and we chatted briefly about it. Apparently she had a party for a friend (a Jewish friend no less) and had a bunch of people over, and after the party was over, she was in her garage and found a mean looking dagger with a swastika on the handle. There was chunks of weed stuck to the blade. Someone had clearly used the knife to cut up buds.

I commented that finding a Nazi knife in your garage is kind of cool. And she said that she didn’t like it at all and asked if I wanted it. I said that I did and arranged to go pick it up.

Talking with her, we were trying to figure out whether or not it was genuine or not. She didn’t think it was because it’s so light and the handle is made out of plastic. That made sense. It’s in pretty good shape as well. I also assured her that my interest in having the knife had nothing to do with any kind of sympathy or belief in what Nazis stood for, and was simply an interest in morbid, sinister shit. She said that she figured as much, and that was good.

It’s a touchy subject for most rational people. And it’s hard to have an interest in that part of history without looking like an asshole. But I’d be lying if I said that I’m not fascinated by what happened in the world in the first half of the 1940s.

Anyway. Another thing that made me question whether or not the knife is real is the fact that it has the words “Made in Germany – Solingen” on the base of the blade.

It’s my understanding that Germany is extremely sensitive about the Nazis post WWII. I’ve heard that you can be arrested for giving the Nazi salute and that using the swastika on anything in Germany is outlawed completely.

I just looked it up on Wikipedia, and it appears that this is the case.

So it seems unlikely to me that a knife company in Germany would make replica Nazi knives.

Once I got home I investigated further.

I figured out that the knife is a Hitler Youth dagger. In case you don’t know, the Hitler Youth was a kind of Nazi Boy Scouts that the current Pope was a member of.

That explains why the knife feels so light and why the handle seems a little too short for my adult hand.

I’m not sure why I want it to be real so badly.

I guess it’s because it’s a part of history, and it’s morbid and interesting. But at the same time, it’s a Hitler Youth knife, so it’s not like it would have been used to friggin kill anyone or anything. That might be a little more than I’d want in my house. But a Hitler Youth knife would just be slightly touching on that dark part of history without actually being a contributor to it. Not to mention, if it IS real, it could be worth a decent amount of coin.

Also, owning a genuine Nazi weapon is interesting. Owning a replica of a Nazi knife is kind of creepy and gross. The real thing is a collectors item. The replica is for assholes who get off on Nazi shit.

I started feeling kind of weird and paranoid about it earlier and I messaged my friend back to ask her if someone comes around looking for it, if she could tell them that she threw it away or gave it to the police or something, and not tell them that I have it. Not only because I don’t want to give it back, but even more so because I’m not sure I want to meet the guy who uses a Nazi knife to cut up weed. That’s not a guy I want coming to my house wanting his knife back.

Stamped on the base of the blade, near the “made in Germany” stamp, is “F.A. Bower IMP.CC”. I’ve looked that up and figured out that F.A. Bower was a Florida based knife import company. They were responsible for the majority of Bowie knives sold in America during the 50s and 60s. They went out of business in 1985, but have been around since the 30s at least.

So that seems kind of iffy. It doesn’t make any sense whatsoever that a knife manufactured for the Hitler Youth would be stamped with an American company’s name.

But that “Made in Germany” thing is throwing me off.

Another thing is that the initial run of Hitler Youth daggers had an RZM logo and the motto "Blut und Ehre!" which means “Blood and Honor” etched into the blade, but the later knives didn’t have the logo or the motto. Obviously the first knives with the logo and the motto are worth significantly more than the later knives, which were made cheaper as supplies started to run out. I also found out that the handles on these later knives were, in fact, made out of plastic, rather than the hard rubber that the original knives sported. My knife has a plastic handle, no logo and no motto. So if it’s a reproduction, it’s a reproduction of the later, shittier version of the Hitler Youth dagger.

Every reproduction I can find online is a copy of those original knives with the motto and the logo and the hard rubber handle. That makes sense that they’d reproduce the more historically significant, definitely cooler version of the knife. It doesn’t make sense that they’d go to all the trouble to painstakingly duplicate the cheaper, less valuable later version. I can’t picture someone wanting to buy a fake Nazi knife, but not wanting the coolest possible version.

But I’m no historical artifact collector. I’m just a dude who came across a weird knife. We’re still figuring shit out here.

So I’m still confused as to whether it’s a replica or not. If it’s an original, it’s in pretty damned good shape for a knife used by a little kid in the 30s. I know that when I was a kid, I beat the hell out of my knives. I threw them at trees, used them to cut everything and anything, and didn’t keep the blade particularly sharp. But if it’s a replica, it’s strange to me that it would have been manufactured in Germany, where the Swastika is quite illegal.

I’m going to email one of these Nazi knife dealers (there’s a bunch of them online) and ask their opinion. I’m not holding my breath that it’s original. I’m relatively certain that it’s not. I’d just like to know for sure. It certainly makes no sense that an American company would have a stamp on the blade if it were original. No sense at all.

The best thing I can figure is that maybe it’s a reproduction from that era. From before it was illegal to print the swastika in Germany. That makes more sense to me.

…

Well, that pretty much settles it. According to this site, the biggest red flag when authenticating Nazi knives is the word “Germany” anywhere on it. Apparently, no genuine Nazi knives had Germany stamped on them.

So now it’s just a matter of figuring out where it came from. I still haven’t been able to find any listing online of a Nazi Youth Knife distributed by F.A. Bower.

I’ll still write someone (probably the guy on that site) to ask if they have any idea where and when it came from.

This is the one I want. Holy shit!

Sweet merciful Christ on a skateboard! I have to have this.

In case you’re unfamiliar with the graphic novel this is based on, here’s a page.

Really Intensely Perfect

I have a powerful urge to watch The Big Lebowski right now.

But at this point, after having watched HDTV on my mom’s brand new huge ass TV, I’ve very quickly become snobbish and arrogant about it. Standard definition TV just isn’t good enough anymore. Very abruptly too.

I think it’s because of watching TV and going back and forth between standard and high definition. I mean, I knew HD was significantly better quality, but I had no idea it was THAT much different. It’s at the point now that I don’t even want to watch it anymore if it’s in standard definition. If I’m watching a show on one of the HD channels, and then the commercials come on and it’s in standard definition, I get all frustrated and condescending and I’m like “Fucking cheap bastards can’t even spring for a good quality commercial! Fuck you Arby’s!”

We were watching A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 the other night and I was almost like “Fuck this bullshit! Turn it off!” because all I could think about while I was watching it was how much better it COULD be.

So now an HDTV is the new thing I’m pining for.

I typically have some sort of material possession that I desperately want and feel that I just might die if I don’t get it. I’m like that. For a long ass time it was a 12 string guitar. And a PS2. And an Xbox 360. And a laptop. And Wacom tablet. And an aquarium. Then a bigger aquarium (it’s for the FISH not me! THINK OF THE FISH! THEY’RE CRAMPED IN THAT SMALLER, LESS AWESOME TANK!!). 

The laptop was the last major thing. I haven’t had anything for a little while since I got my laptop last year. I’ve managed to go a good while (incredibly long for me) without actively NEEDING some sort of expensive piece of equipment. But now… I’m not sure how I can carry on living without an 1080p HDTV, at least 40”.

Working in a video store, I hear a LOT of people bitching about the prospect of having to rebuy their movies in Bluray. It was the same complaining I heard about people having to rebuy the movies they owned on VHS on DVD. Personally, I find that idea completely exciting. I loved buying DVDs. I loved looking forward to seeing how much better movies look on DVD compared to VHS. And I’m seriously looking forward to comparing the quality of Bluray to DVD.

Which is why, even though I’m wanting to watch The Big Lebowski right now, I don’t think I’m going to put my mom’s copy on, because it’s a regular dvd and what’s the point? The whole time I’d be sitting there, thinking about how much better it would look in 1080p.

Shit, even stupid boring shows look amazingly better in HD. I was watching AC360 the other night, and I could friggin count the pores in Anderson Cooper’s face and the wrinkles around his eyes. I was sitting there going “Anderson Cooper looks like shit but it’s so AMAZING!”

OH, and another thing… one thing that seriously pisses me off is how on standard definition TV channels, they zoom widescreen shows in to make them fullscreen. I figured that out when I was downloading some episodes of Lost and noticed that they were in widescreen. Now, every time we watch Lost, I complain nonstop about the fact that we’re getting this fucked up, cropped version of the show. Very little pisses me off more than watching something in fullscreen that was meant to be widescreen. It drives me absolutely fucking nuts.

Sandra’s parents have a huge ass HDTV, but they don’t have HD cable or a bluray player. So they’re watching standard definition picture through an HDTV all the time. I tried to talk Sandra’s dad into getting digital cable but I don’t know if he really got what I was going for in the conversation. Or he didn’t care. I sometimes have a hard time understanding that other people aren’t as invested in quality of picture as I am.

And also, at that time, I had no idea the difference it actually makes. I mean, I’d seen the side by side comparisons in the store, but that doesn’t really tell you a whole lot. Watching two minutes of The Fifth Element in a store is nothing compared to sitting on the couch in a darkened room and watching an entire movie. We were watching Ratatouille the other day and it blew my fucking mind. But it’s really the TV shows that prove the pudding or whatever the fuck that phrase is. We were watching some goofy ass Penguins in Madagascar show and it was like HOLY CRAP! Even goofy shit looks a million times better. And like I said, it was going between the HD shows and the standard definition commercials that showed the real difference.

I know that a huge part of it is the fact that we’re watching standard definition on an HDTV. Standard TV and DVDs look shittier on the HDTV than they do on my standard TV. I think. Or maybe I was just so used to seeing standard definition that I simply didn’t know what I was missing. I hope that’s not the case. I’d really hate it if I went home and hated my current TV. That would suck. But I’m pretty sure that watching a standard definition show on a standard definition TV is enough of a constant that it won’t be distractingly frustrating like it is when you’re switching between the two.

The other good news is that when I eventually DO get an HDTV (I’m not holding my breath for it to happen anytime soon) I’ll simply HAVE to get a PS3 as well. I mean, I’ll need a Bluray player, and it only makes sense to get a bluray player that also plays Metal Gear Solid 4. That’s just a given. 

So yeah, I’m jonesing to watch The Big Lebowski, but I just can’t bring myself to watch it in standard definition.

I would make a horrific looking woman, but if I ever decide to become a drag queen, I’ve decided that my drag name will be Jackie Onasty.

that is all.

I dreamed last night that me and Rachel Maddow were BFFFs (Best Fucking Friends Forever) and hanging out in some person’s living room together and talking and just having an awesome time. But it was like, slightly awkward too. Because I kind of wanted to bone her, but she has that whole lesbian thing going on, which meant that I had to pretend like I didn’t want to bone her.

So then we’re sitting there and it feels like it’s kind of awkward, though I’m not sure if it’s just in my head or what, and nobody is saying anything. Then she says something like “Are you familiar with the idea that all living creatures feel the instinctual need to pass their genes down to the next generation of their species?” and I’m like “Yeah, sure.” and she’s like “What I’m getting at is that I would like very much to become pregnant.” and I’m like “Oh. Awesome. That would be cool.” and then we’re sitting there for another minute, and it’s still awkward and weird, and then she clarifies “I would like you to help me get pregnant.” and then I’m like “Ohhh… okay.”

And then another weird awkward silence. Then I say “You mean, like… you want me to donate my baby batter to your… lady parts?” and she’s like “Sort of.” and then I said “So, you want me to jerk off into a cup so you can inject it with a turkey baster?” and she did a dismissive wave of the hand and said “Pfft. No. We’ll just have sex.” and then I went “WHHHHAAAT!!?” and she shrugged and I said “But… you’re… you know. Aren’t you… like… a thespian?” and she’s like “Well, yeah. Doesn’t mean that I CAN’T have sex with a man. It’s just not really my main preference. I mean, my stuff works. I just don’t typically use it for that” and I’m like “Ahh. Well, give me just a bit to think about it.” and she says “Sure. Just let me know maybe before the end of the night, because I’ve got another day or so before I miss the chance this month.” and I agree.

The rest of the dream was me weighing out the pros and cons of having emotionless baby making sex with Rachel Maddow. Of course, I didn’t actually get to the sex part. It was just all of the drama and awkwardness surrounding the sex part. Which is how pretty much all of my sex dreams go. No real sex. Just the annoying drama.

I just spent like, a half hour uploading this friggin Robocop video I made a while back. It was a kind of music video for the Rush song Tom Sawyer using footage from Robocop. It all finished and then when I went to watch it there was a big red thing that say “This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by mgm.” or something like that.

BASTARDS!

So I’m going to try and upload it again under the name “Robot Cop!” or something like that.

What’s weird is that when I search for Robocop in youtube, I come up with all kinds of shit just like my video.

Fuckers.

–EDIT–

Goddamnit! They’re on to me! Uploading it as “The Amazing Robotic Policeman” didn’t work either.

Oh well.

An article basically saying that everything we know about the Columbine shootings is wrong. I thought it was neat.

In case you’re unfamiliar with the book Where The Wild Things Are, allow the commander and chief read it to you.

I’m very proud of myself. I totally aced CoD 5. When the credits started to roll I triumphantly marched around the living room, proclaiming myself the winner of World War 2.

The best thing though is that once you beat Call of Duty 5, you unlock a secret special game called NAZI ZOMBIES.

It is exactly what it sounds like. You’re pitted against an undead hoard of Nazi Zombies. It’s fucking awesome.

That’s all I have to say about that.

People never listen to me. Silly bitch jumped into the polar bear habitat at a zoo in Germany… during feeding time.

They should have just let the bears eat her.

Speaking of Germans, I’ve been playing Call of Duty 5 just a whole lot the last few days. That’s some good shit. Me and Gary Oldman have been fucking up krauts left and right. Then me and Keifer Sutherland have been fucking up Japs all up and down the Pacific Theater.

I get really racist when I play war games. Racist and vulgar. Far more vulgar than I already am on a day to day basis. Sandra must get tired of hearing me scream “CHOKE ON MY AMERICAN DICK YOU SLANTY EYED JAP PECKERWOODS!!!! EAT MY JUSTICE!!! MY ROCK HARD THROBBING PURPLE HEADED AMERICAN JUSTICE!!”

Also, while playing this game, you have to call Nazis “Natsees” because it sounds better that way.

My all time favorite porn star, Marilyn Chambers, died yesterday.

Here’s a post I did about her from 2007

Anybody’s lover
Everybody’s brother
I wanna be your lifetime friend

Crazy as a rocket
Nothing in my pocket
I keep it at the rainbow’s end

I never think of money
I think of milk and honey
Grinning like a Cheshire cat

I focus on the pleasure
Something I can treasure
Can you picture that?

Outside Lands Festival semi-line up announced
the semi-line up announcement can be seen at San Francisco Chronicle website

Pearl Jam
Dave Matthews Band
Beastie Boys

With:
Incubus
Black Eyed Peas
Jason Mraz
M.I.A
Mars Volta
Thievery Corp
Modest Mouse
Ween

http://www.sfgate.com/ (you have to hover your mouse over the top right corner to see the announcement)

And I don’t give a fuck what anyone says, I’m going to Alcatraz. I’ve wanted to go my entire life, and even though I lived in California for years, I never got to go.

The other day I posted about how I like to go down to the beach by my house and have a smoke before work. Sandra asked me to take some pictures next time I was down there. So I did. And here they are.

It was 8 in the evening, so it was starting to get dark.

Also, I took this video with my camera.

In this clip, my girlfriend Rachel Maddow attempts to cover the very real phenomenon sweeping the republican party of “teabagging” and “tea parties” (which is a reference to the Boston Tea Party. The teabagging movement encourages people to mail tea bags to various political organizations to express their unhappiness with stimulus package and “big government spending”) without pissing herself laughing.

I love her more every day.

In case you’re not in on the joke, “teabagging” also means something else entirely.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teabagging