Look at this fucking thing.

I don’t like it. I don’t. There’s something seriously uncool about this robot.

It’s like…

You ever seen a baby deer get… born… borned. Birthed. Shit out by it’s mom.

wait…

it’s like…

Have you ever seen the birth of a baby deer?

They plop out all sloppy and fucked up and gross looking and then they just hop up and start walking around. It’s fucking crazy.

Now, this thing reminds me a little of that… except instead of a deer, it’s some sort of fucking monster. Like we’re watching a baby monster getting it’s footing and figuring shit out… but really fast. Faster than you’d think a baby monster would be able to.

It’s scary to watch, if only because it’s both somehow familiar and alien at the same time. Like seeing that severed head sprout spider legs and scamper off in The Thing.

There’s something seriously unsettling about watching that robot run and climb and right itself after being kicked.

Maybe it’s because I’m not an engineer or robot building guy or whatever they’re called. I know what my brain considered the limitations of robots. Generally those amount to the robotic arms that put cars together and animatronic pirates at Disneyland. Those things I can wrap my brain around. The arms in the automobile assembly lines I see as extensions of human arms. The robots in Disneyland, while somewhat creepy in their own right, are hardly mistakable as human. They buzz and click and jerk and are clearly limited to a small range of motions, all of which are predetermined. There’s no way one can seriously imagine them stepping down and walking anywhere. They’re going to stay there, waving their arms and moving their robot lips and eyes until Disney decides to reimagine them into whatever the latest success movie happens to be.

But this thing… this robot… it’s something else entirely. Watching it, it appears to be thinking. That’s the scary thing. It looks like it’s assessing a situation and determining the best course of action. It adjusts it’s movements based on it’s surrounding.

A few years back there was that Honda robot, Asimo that could walk upright and up and down stairs and kick soccer balls and such. That was slightly weird to watch, but mostly it was just funny to watch. It was like "that robot thinks it’s people!". It was like a neat toy that made you clap your hands, amused. Then you forgot about it. I’m sure it was a feat of engineering. I know it was a big deal. But honestly, I couldn’t see it as anything more than an elaborate toy. There was nothing threatening to it. Maybe it was because it DID move so much like a human that my natural response was to look at it like a puppet.

But still… this thing…

People having been saying for years in cautionary sci-fi stories and insane conspiracy theories that we’re destined to be slaves to robots and computers eventually. That these machines will develop self awareness and the ability to think beyond what we allow it to think. That some network of Skynet computers is suddenly going to turn on us and try and take over the world.

I’ve always found this notion kind of retarded. Not because I don’t think it’s possible (I don’t really) but because I don’t believe it will have to happen. Computers and robots aren’t going to suddenly turn around and bite us like an angry dog because we WANT them to take over. People have been working as fast as they possibly can to make SURE robots and computers run the world. People are more than happen to turn the functionality of the world over to machines. We do it more and more every single day.

That’s because we ARE computers. We’re machines. People say that the human body is the perfect machine. I don’t know about "perfect" but we certainly are machines. We run on electricity. Our bodies are a series of pumps and pistons and wires with a CPU and oxygenated gasoline to boot. We process energy in order to run, we dump waste like car exhaust. We have background processes. We overload when forced to take in too much information. When we become damaged, warning lights go off and our bodies shut down in the appropriate places. Our brains are separated into two distinctly different processors. One for computing information and define our physical world, and one to make decisions and "think" and define our personalities. Our personalities and emotions, which we treasure so greatly and believe defines us as more than inanimate objects, are nothing more than a combination of chemicals flowing in and our of our brains. We can easily change the volume of these chemicals and completely change a our personality and emotions.

Look at how we drive our cars.

I know know about anyone else (I have to assume it’s the same for other people) but when I drive, I rarely actually think about the fact that I’m driving. The car becomes an extension of my body. My feet become the wheels and the wheels become my feet. When I want to slow down, without thinking about it, my feet press the pedal which pushes the break pads against the wheels and slows the car. If I need to turn, my hand automatically turns on the signal. I don’t think "Now I have to reach down and flip the turn signal lever, then I have to push slightly on the break, look to see if anyone is crossing the street or going to hit my car with theirs, and then I have to turn the wheel 120 degrees, press gently on the gas peddle with my foot, straighten the wheel out, maybe listen to the transmission change gears to make sure it sounds alright because it’s been a little clunky lately, then get back up to roughly eight or nine miles above the speed limit. I don’t think about any of these things when I make a turn, but it’s a lot of shit that I must be processing on some level. I’m probably thinking about a conversation I had at work or a movie I watched recently or (more likely) I’m just thinking "Then sent me away to teach me how to be sensible! Logical! Oh responsible! Practical! And then they showed me a world where I could be dependable! Oh clinical! Intellectual! Cynical!" and singing at the top of my lungs.

We don’t think about these things because they come naturally. Our brains are comfortable with extending the reaches of our bodies (machines) to the mechanics of a car. Because really, a car is essentially a simplified (but physically more powerful) version of a human body. It too runs on wires and pistons and oxygenated gasoline and a CPU. And more than ever, we’re building cars to do the majority of our thinking, so we can simply tune out the process that much further. We have cars that can parallel park themselves. Cars that can decide which turns to make and the best way to get to Jimmy’s house or Portland, Maine or wherever we tell it we want to go.

It’s also like typing. I can sit here (and often do) and type for hours on end. I sit here in the same position, rarely moving more than my fingers (and perhaps my arm to take a drink from a grape soda) and my eyes barely focused on the screen as it seemingly magically translate my thoughts into words and sentences for the great void to store and share. My fingers automatically find the correct keys. They automatically hit the delete key when I find that I misspelled a word (this happens frequently) and retypes. They automatically put in paragraph breaks and parenthesis and punctuation. None of this is anything I actually have to consciously think about it. I sit here for however long it takes for the screen to fill up with all of the thoughts I feel like putting there. Then I move the mouse and hit "post" and go smoke or watch TV or whatever sedentary thing I do when I’m not participating in the sedentary task of writing.

My fingers know which keys have which letters on them, but if you asked me to draw a diagram of which keys have which letters from memory, I couldn’t do it. I know that for a fact.

Our brains seem to be more comfortable using machines on autopilot than they do actually consciously trying to coordinate our bodies through the steps of doing… well, anything. We love sitting for hours and allowing thing things we’ve built for ourselves to do the work we used to have to do for ourselves. We sit and we read books. We drive cars. We even communicate with each other. We have sexual relationships. We get into fights. We kill imaginary people in imaginary worlds that exist solely in machines. We watch TV and movies. We essentially live through machines. Sure, occasionally we get a bug up our butt and go outside and walk around. Some of us (not very many I suspect, myself included) even enjoy these little outings away from machines. Some people make a conscious effort to distance themselves (at least in their own minds) from machines. But not very many. Even less actually achieve anything even close to independence from machines.

And it’s happening fast. In the timeline of our human existence, we’ve become dependant on machines in a very, very short period of time. And it’s coming even faster by the minute.

So are machines going to take over the earth? Absolutely. But only because we beg them to. We desperately want them to. We want nothing more than to give all of our human experiences to machines so we can exist solely in our own minds. I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. The farther we get from our physical bodies the better in my mind. It’s not out of any dislike for my body (though I could certainly treat mine better) but because it’s our bodies that restrain us. Our machines.

Ironically, I believe that the more we give ourselves to machines, the farther we go to defining ourselves as more than machines. It is through our machines that we will become gods. The more we allow machines to do the tasks that we previously needed our bodies to do, the more we expand our consciousness and participate in the universal consciousness. It is through this process, this giving of our physical bodies to machines, that our minds become independent from our bodies.

Eventually, our personalities and awareness of self will exist solely in a network of energy. We’re not far off from that right now, as I type this, communicating to you via this trance like state that I sit here typing this. It’s only a hop skip and a jump to completely dislocating from our bodies and direct convergence of our consciousness. 

And when we are able to do that, we become immortal. We’re creating the great energy force that religions call God, and it is us. That universal energy force. We’re creating it and are desperately trying to dive into it. It’s not ready yet. Not all the way. There’s still work to be done. Right now all we can do is dump our thoughts and personality into it as much as possible. Filling it with US. We write here in these "blogs" because we want to make our mark on this universal consciousness. We want to mark our territory. Establish ourselves and our space. Our flavor. Our strand in the massive tapestry of the the universal consciousness. I’ve been defining mine for the last twelve or so years of my life. Constantly writing my thoughts down. Pouring my identity into it. The real me. The me that only I know.

We’re so defined by our bodies and our physical selves. It’s through this process that we’re able to let go of those self conscious limitations. Here, in the universal consciousness, we don’t have to worry about what our bodies look like. We’ll be able to hook ourselves up to vitamin supplements and IV drips of essential nutrients. We’ll be able to decide when we want to be happy or sad or angry or horny by simply adjusting the levels of chemicals that drip into our bodies. We’ll do all of this via computers. Babies will be created in test tubes by robots and incubated. When they’re "born" we’ll make facebook pages for them and hook them into the universal consciousness so that we can love them the same way we love everyone else. When our bodies fail us, machines will keep us alive and hooked into this network. When our bodies finally give out completely we will simply step into this "virtual" world entirely. Our semen and eggs will be stored forever in freezers and accessed by robots when we want children after we’re physically dead.

This is where our soul will go. This is the next step. And we’re building it right now.

Because that’s the one thing computers don’t have… the notion of a soul. Or whatever you want to call it. Our awareness of self. The thing inside of us (or, really, it could be anywhere) that says "I am ME and I want a fucking ice-cream sandwich!". That’s what we desperately want to connect with and with this network… the universal consciousness… we finally feel like we’re no longer alone. There are all of these other souls dumping themselves into the network. When we’re in our bodies, it’s hard, if not impossible, to really feel like you share this world with anyone. Sure, our bodies bump into each other and interact and give each other presents and punch each other in the face, but there’s always that question of whether or not there actually IS anyone else out there… or all of these other machines just props in some elaborate facade. Generally, these questions are made clearer with the assistance of LSD. But it’s still there, on some level. At least for me it is.

But here we are, throwing out these beacons in the universal consciousness that says "Hi! I’m here! Come taste my soul!" because it’s a lot easier to believe that there are real human souls here. Here in this machine.

We’re able to connect with people we haven’t seen in twenty years and would never come in contact with again in the "real" world. You just dip your consciousness into the network and poke them and there they are. There’s no barrier of space or matter. It’s just a matter of saying "Hey, it’s me" and you’re connected. Your minds are connected and you can communicate from chairs on opposite ends of the earth.

And you can do the same thing with complete strangers. Here I am in Canada and I know what’s going on with my family in California. I know what’s going on with menstrual cycles of a woman I know the UK. I know who’s on drugs. Who’s in rehab. Who’s cheating on their spouse. Who’s a virgin and who’s recently attempted suicide. I know had their kids taken away and who’s getting rich and who’s getting poor. I know these things because I tune into them with my mind, via this network. If I wanted to, I could tune in further. I could immerse myself almost entirely in this network, both learning about other people and defining myself further, as I’m doing now.

I don’t because, like most people, I’m still mostly defined by the limitations of my body. My physical cravings and needs.

And the more we develop it, the easier it will become.

I look forward to that. Hopefully it will happen in my lifetime. I don’t really believe it will. I think that I’ll probably catch the very beginning of it, but not quite early enough to completely exist in energy. I think that the children being conceived and born right now… they will be the ones who will actually detatch completely from their physical bodies and are able to exist entirely as energy.

As years and decades and centuries go by, and we’re further and further in our own minds, our bodies will elongate and become thinner. Our heads will get bigger. Our hair will fall out because we no longer need it. Our limbs will be long and fragile. Our organs will shrink and our breathing will become shallow. We will become physically indistinguishable from each other. Our bodies will remain contained in a stationary position. Perhaps we will be unknowingly carted around by robots who take our bodies to be refueled or fixed. But that will be of little concern to us.

Some of us will venture out into the physical world for necessary maintenance and study. Not very many, but some. These people will hop out, aided by robots (because their physical bodies will be beyond the old task of simply walking and moving) and they will travel to learn. They will learn how to even further increase our independence from our bodies. Part of this study will include traveling back in time (which will, eventually, become a function of the universal consciousness, since our souls will not be constrained by man’s invention, time) to study ourselves as we were. This will, at times, require direct contact with the ignorant versions of ourselves. Because the old versions of human beings ARE ignorant, they will assume that we are from another world. They will call us aliens. We will do our studies (which may or may not include anal probing. Unless that’s what we’re into at that point. I know it’s what I’M into) and then return to our own time and the comfort of our energy field.

For right now, we’re just testing the waters. And they’re oh so fine.

I figured out how to work the greenscreen function in this program. It’s called Chroma Keying or something. I went out and bought some bright green poster board. I don’t know what I’m going to do with it, but I’ve got it if I need it. Just in case I need to do some sweet special effects. Or a news broadcast. Or if I need to pretend I’m shaking hands with JFK.

EDIT: I reuploaded another version after playing with the settings a bit (a lot) and trying some different things out. Same footage, different settings.

Here’s an example at my first attempts at playing with it. It’s the same like, three second clip looped over and over with different backgrounds of various clips from my harddrive and cheesy transitions.

If I gave a shit about Christianity.

I’m listening to this dude’s sermon because he’s talking in depth about Harod the Great/Bloody and I find the shit interesting. Especially since he goes on about what a horrible dude Herod was, but that he played his part in playing out god’s will… I dig that because that’s how I feel about Judas. I think Judas gets the short end of the stick as far as history goes. Judas did what he was supposed to do and I’m cool with that.

Plus, he dressed like a badass indian pimp. I wish I could pull off a sweet outfit like that.

So I reinstalled Windows. That’s all well and good except that I can’t find the friggin drivers for my sound card… and I can only go so long without musics!

NEVERMIND FUCKERS, I GOT EM!

I was trying to install the drivers for my OLD sound card. I forgot that I have a new one. I RULE!

Except that my new one is shittier than my old one. Oh well.

Check out these hamsters. That’s fucking team work!

So I need to reformat my computer. Reinstall Windows. I’ve already moved everything important from my C drive to my E drive. I’ll lose a pile of program, but those can always be redownloaded.

There’s nothing stopping me. I’m not chatting. I’m not getting any emails. All I’m doing is sitting here listening to music and looking at random shit on the internet. Really, there’s nothing stopping me from just doing it… except that I’m ever so lazy.

So after American Idol (or, the first half of it that I watched at least) tonight, Jewel is officially BACK on my list. Not because she’s any more or less hot than she was, but after watching her on American Idol I’ve come to realize that she is no longer famous for being a singer, but for being someone who does guest spots on TV shows. Her career has hit a slump, which, in my books, makes her more accessible than she once was. As I’ve explained in the past, my list is not only based on the hotness or my desire for the female celebrities in question, but also on the potential for actual doings of it. I’m not going to put Catherine Zeta Jones on the list because, well, even if I did meet her, there’s no WAY she’d ever sleep with me. Jewel might actually sleep with me, so she’s on the list.

Tom Petty fucking rules. He’s one of those guys who’s just always there, modestly, consistently making good music. I take Tom Petty for granted. He’s like the Christopher Walken of the music world. He’s been doing pretty much the same thing for thirty years. He’s rarely the center of attention. He’s just kind of there, off to the side, doing his thing. Even if the material he’s producing isn’t his best, it’s still enjoyable watching him work. When you see him, it’s like “Hey! It’s Tom Petty!” You don’t get all excited and camp out for tickets when he comes to town, but you’d certainly go see him if there were tickets still available. If you’ve got the night off of work and some extra cash. But you’d sure miss him if he was dead.

That would be a sad day… the day Tom Petty dies. It would be say because suddenly he’s not there anymore. Good old Tom Petty. Kind of like when Mr. Rogers died. I wasn’t exactly watching Mr. Rogers consistently when he died, but it was comforting to know that he was still there. That’s how I feel about Tom Petty. It’s nice just knowing that he’s there.

I go through phases. Maybe a few days a year, where I’ll listen to a shitload of great Tom Petty songs. The Waiting, American Girl, Don’t Come Around Here No More, Breakdown, I Won’t Back Down, Refugee, Running Down a Dream, Here Comes my Girl. Good shit.

But it only lasts a few days. Then it’ll be another year or so until I pop that greatest hits cd back in. It’s just one of those things.

anyway, I’m going to actually reinstall Windows soon. Just as soon as the Keeley Hazell sex tape finishes downloading. Until next time, enjoy this video!

Tom Hanks as James Bond. Very clever.

current music: Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers-Breakdown

So this is my second attempt at digital painting. At least, my second attempt in this wave of attempts. I’ve tried before with little success. But for some reason the other day something clicked when I was dicking around with my wacom tablet and I think I’m starting to get the hang of it.

So I figured I’d try my hand at doing something more serious than the goofing around I’ve done in the past.

This is what I’m working on. The reference is underwater 1 by rawkgoddess. [link]

Any feedback is more than welcome, because I’m just kind of winging it at this point. Obviously there is still a lot of work left to go on this.

I was goofing around in photoshop and I thought I’d try my hand at coloring in one of my sketches from my sketch book. So I grabbed this picture of the Caterpillar from my version of Alice in Wonderland and started coloring. I ended up getting into it and a few hours later… well, this is the result. I’m pretty proud of it, even though it’s not intended to be anything more than an attempt at “painting” in photoshop. Every time I’ve tried in the past I’ve failed, so I’m glad that this actually came out not half bad.

I got my computer working. Oh yes.

You see, it helps if when you’re installing drivers, you are actually installing the right drivers for your hardware. I forgot that when my motherboard melted, I had to get a NEW motherboard and when I got a new motherboard, I couldn’t use my video or soundcard anymore. So when I opened up my computer and looked inside and saw no cards, I thought to myself “hmmm.”

So now I have the right drivers, as well as some other nifty drivers and not only is my computer working, it’s working better than it has in AGES.

Nice!

Let’s try for that scanner now…

brb…

pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

SHIT!

wait…

okay, plug the scanner in…

pleasepleaseplease…

YES!!

SCANNAGE!!

random fleshy Fruedian nightmare monster!

Dude, having shit that works is fucking AWESOME!