I was in some weird town that I didn’t recognize. I knew that I had just moved there with my mom and my brothers David and Josh. I was the age that I am now (or, at least, an adult) but my brothers were younger. Still teenagers. Usually when I dream about my siblings, they’re the age that I last spent any real time with them. They’re both now well into their twenties. My brother David is almost thirty. But in the dream they were about maybe sixteen and fourteen. For some reason we were meeting up with my dad (who haven’t seen in about eight or nine years) were trying to establish some sort of amicable relationship. One of the deal breakers of the relationship was that my dad wasn’t allowed to hit any of us. I wasn’t worried about myself (since I was an adult and could totally take my dad now) but the main concern was with his treatment of my brothers.
We were meeting up in a grocery store for some reason.
Before going to the grocery store we went to a comic book store. In the dream, the Watchmen movie was just about to come out and I remember buying a Rorschach action figure. I was waiting in line to pay for it and the owner of the store was talking to the guy in front of me. He (the guy in front of me) was a writer and for some reason the owner of the comic book store was considering hiring him to be a “writer for the store” whatever that means. The issue was that the guy wanted a 25% addition to all comic books trade ins. IE, his own comics that he would sell back to the store. The owner didn’t want to give it to him. Apparently the guy trades in a lot of comic books. I kind of piped in and said “Hey… I’m a writer and I don’t give a shit about trading in comics. I’ll write for a regular old pay check” and the owner said “SWEET. You’re hired” and gave me the job. The other guy got all pissy (understandably I think) and left.
After that we (my brothers and I) went to the grocery store to meet up with my dad. I don’t remember what happened at the store, but the next thing I remember is leaving the store with my brothers and my dad. For some reason my dad got pissed at my brother Josh (who, like I said, was much younger in my dream than he actually is) and grabbed him by his collar and started smacking him in the face. I fucking lost my mind and shoved my dad up against the wall and started screaming in his face. I ended up shoving him towards the door, where he started throwing up. The whole time I’m freaking out and yelling at him to get the fuck out and never come back and he left. Josh was understandably shaken up. My brother David was pissed at me for reacting the way I did. The store manager took us into the store office. I called my mom on her cell phone and she came to pick us up.
The next part is a bit of a blur.
There was one part where I was hanging out with these two dudes and talking about this one kind of classic car that the guy had two of and he was telling me all about how everyone in cars that weren’t this classic car were mindless robots trudging blindly through life and people needed to wake up and realize that they are slaves… all because they don’t recognize how awesome his car is. And I remember being like “Whatever loser”.
After that my mom shows up and she’s taking me and Dave and Josh somewhere and we’re trying to decide what movie we want to see. We decided on Hellboy 2, and I felt like some kind of hero since I was willing to go see it again just so Dave and Josh could see it, since they hadn’t already. I don’t know what was up my ass that made me think that was such a noble gesture, but whatever.
Either way I didn’t end up going because I ended up meeting these two chicks and talking with them. I know that pizza was involved, and I know that I wasn’t the one that brought it to them, but I do know that I wasn’t there (initially) socially. The two chicks were both women that I’d seen on the show Entourage. And they were playing themselves. IE, actresses who had been on Entourage and other things. The actresses were Carla Gugino and Malin Akerman. Carla had played Vinnie’s new agent after they fired Ari for losing the Joey Ramone project and Malin played the girl who was friends with Eric’s girlfriend Sloan and wanted to have a threesome with Eric and Sloan and Eric woke up spooning her and got all weird about it. Carla was also in Sin City and got her boobies out. Malin was in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle and… got he boobies out.
Here are both girls boobies from their respective boobies getting out roles, thanks to the wonders that is Google Image Search.
I decided (in my dream, and possibly in reality as well) that I wanted Carla to be in my vampire movie, and I was very desperately trying to convince her that this was a good idea. This was difficult though because they were constantly making out with each other.
As you may have guessed, my dream was very abruptly switching gears.
I didn’t really MIND that they were making out. I mean, I wanted to talk to Carla about my movie, but at the same time, I was also being very flirty and witty and cute and awesome and it seemed to be working. And of all the things that they could be doing that were distracting them from my very important conversation, that was pretty much best case scenario. Making out with each other beats like, doing math home work or playing Sims 2.
I ended up following them to their house, which was I completely comfortable with.
What happened next was a bit of a blurry period. Nothing sexual happened (outside of their continued make out session) but I’m pretty sure the movie was discussed. But ultimately what ended up happening was that I was 86′d out of the dream entirely. I became an omniscient observer. What also happened is that they turned out to actually be vampires and the movie aspect of it went away.
What I ended up watching was these two girls who were these super hot chick vampires (and were still making out with each other) and they were at their like, vampire house that they own and hide out in and bring people back to to eat.
Then, who shows up, but fucking Richard Gere of all fucking people.
I know WHY it was Richard Gere. It was Richard Gere because earlier that night (last night) at work someone brought up the movie The Flock and asked me if I’d seen it or heard anything about it. The Flock stars Richard Gere and Claire Danes and apparently has at least one or two pretty brutal rape scenes. I’d had a couple people come back and tell me that they found it really disturbing, and one guy couldn’t even watch it and had to turn it off. I told the customer that asked me about it that I’d had a few people tell me that it was pretty good and a few people tell me that it was really disturbing and apparently had a lot of rapin’s in it. I then said that I hadn’t watched it because it looked disturbing, but not because I find rapin’s in movies upsetting, but because I find Richard Gere in movies upsetting. We LOL’d and that was the end of it.
So now, in the middle of the night while I’m sound asleep, who comes strolling up into my dream but Richard fucking Gere.
He rings the doorbell. The chicks start to fucking freak out. One of them goes up and answers the door. Gere pushes the door open and just walks in. He’s wearing this like, London Fog overcoat thing and is mister smiles mister charming.
Apparently, Richard Gere is some kind of big shot fucking vampire dude.
BTW, he was a character, Richard Gere. It wasn’t like “Oh shit, Richard Gere the actor is here and he’s pissed!” it was just that my brain thought it would be funny to cast Richard Gere as this badass vampire character. It actually surprisingly kind of worked.
Anyway, so Gere muscles his way into the house and starts going off about breaking the rules and disrespect and a bunch of vampire bullshit. The girls are all groveling and apologizing and freaking out.
They’re in their underwear btw. Fancy bras and panties. Just so you know.
So they’re on their knees, pulling at his coat begging for forgiveness and it’s all very fucking weird. Gere grabs them both by the hair, drags them to the stairs, and then fucking throws them UP the stairs, one after the other.
Now, if you can picture this… it’s easy to think about someone being tossed down a flight a stairs. We’ve seen that before in a hundred different movies. But no, he threw them UP the stairs. Asses over elbows. It was very strange looking.
They’re at the top of the stairs, up against the facing wall all crumpled and bloody like rag dolls. He then follows them up the stairs, grabs them by the hair again and drags them to this room.
Inside the room, which he called The Experimentation room, is nothing but a bed in the middle of the room. Apparently (and I didn’t understand this at all) there was some issue with the carpet in the room. Something about that they weren’t supposed to touch the carpet and they had.
Anyway, so he goes into the closet and he pulls out this like, concrete anchor thing. Like a big concrete block with a metal handle on it that you might tie cable to or something on a construction site. He’s carrying this thing around like it’s nothing. So he takes this chain and he ties it around the ankle of Carla (the chick from Sin City) and attaches the other end to this concrete anchor. He then picks the anchor up over his head and throws it at the floor. The anchor breaks through the floor and very quickly drags Carla through the hole and out of sight. The anchor then breaks through the first floor and again, Carla is pulled through the floor and into the basement. Gere grabs the blonde (Malin… I don’t actually know her by name, like I do Carla, so in my dream she was just “the blond threesome chick from Entourage”. I had to look her up on imdb) by the hair, again, and drags her down the stairs and down into the basement, where Carla is on the floor and fucked up and twisted and broken bones and fucking blood and blah. Gere then grabs that weight, and throws it UP through the ceiling of the basement, pulling Carla BACK up through the fucking hole (or, through the new hole that he just made) and she’s now up on the first floor again. It was fucking crazy. And brutal.
That’s when I woke up.
And that was pretty much everything I remember about that dream.
What I didn’t realize until I woke up and looked them both up on IMDB was that both Carla Gugino and Malin Akerman are in The Watchmen. I knew Carla was in The Watchmen, but I had no idea that Malin was. I guess I subconciously knew it, and my brain filled in the rest. I mean, I’ve seen the cast list and I’ve seen the castlist of Entourage and Harold and Kumar, but my brain didn’t consciously associate her with Watchmen. It was weird.
Anyway, yeah, that was the dream. I’m sure there’s some sort of psychological connection between having a dream about my father abusing my family and then moving right into a dream where Richard Gere is beating the shit out of two hot chicks. I don’t really care to try and psychoanalyze that.
The end.
Place of Birth: Somewhere in Kentucky
