BIOGRAPHY as told to Joe E. Humphrey

The Psychic Monkey was first "discovered"  in 1943 by Adolf Hitler's army. He was commissioned as a writer, and then a political advisor.

 

He left that job in 1945 when he realized that he was hired under false pretenses (the monkey was under the impression that the Nazis were fighting for the independence of monkeys everywhere, when in fact, monkeys were on their list of intolerable species) and he fled to the United States.

In 1951 The Psychic Monkey started work as a writer in Hollywood, writing stage bits for the comedic husband and wife duo of Lucy and Desi Arnaz. He followed them to television and worked on I Love Lucy for four seasons. He became close with Desi, and the two spent many nights locked in Desi's dressing room, sharing a bottle. 

They remained close friends, despite the constant sexual advances made towards The Monkey by Lucille Ball Arnaz. The Psychic Monkey politely rejected these advances out of respect for his friend Desi.


The Psychic Monkey left I Love Lucy after a long, heated argument with Lucy Arnaz. The subject of the argument was never disclosed. Desi and the Psychic Monkey's friendship remained strong regardless, until Arnes' death in 1986.

After I Love Lucy, The Psychic Monkey went on to work on shows like Leave it to Beaver in 1956 and The Twilight Zone in 1959. His real recognition hit when he co-created the classic The Andy Griffith Show in 1960, where he co-wrote and directed much of the first three seasons.

His time on Andy Griffith ended abruptly when he engaged in a fight with supporting actor Don Knotts, leaving Knotts with a missing ear and vicious bite marks on his neck and arms. Knotts spent three months in intensive care, and The Psychic Monkey was asked to leave the show. He had to be physically removed from Desi-lu studios, screaming that he would "dance on the graves of everyone in Mayberry"

 

Rumors were heavy, but both The Psychic Monkey and supporting actor Jim Nabors claim that their relationship was purely professional.

In 1964 he was hired as head writer of the then new General Hospital. He spent two years developing the format and style of the show, when he abruptly quit in 1966, virtually disappearing off the face of the earth.

 

The Psychic Monkey reappeared in 1967 as a journalist for the then underground Rolling Stone magazine.

His job at Rolling Stone had him following around some of the biggest acts in Rock and Roll. He became close with classic artists like The Doors, Bob Dylan, Jefferson Airplane, The Rolling Stones, and many others. He also grew close with Harvard professor and advocate of LSD Timothy Leary (pictured right, with The Psychic Monkey and poet Alan Ginsburg) and became a predominant figure in the counter-culture movement. 

His reputation as an "over the top" writer in the "new journalism" grew, along with the wild stories of The Psychic Monkey's escapades. His on-location coverage of the Vietnam War won him a Pulitzer Prize in 1970, and his book "No Monkey, No Love" was highly acclaimed.

Here The Psychic Monkey is seen in the company of artist Andy Warhol and The Velvet Underground (featuring Lou Reed, on the right) at Warhol's legendary club "The Factory"

The Psychic Monkey grew so close with Jim Morrison of The Doors, that Jim insisted that he be included in this classic 1967 photo shoot. The record label would later airbrush The Psychic Monkey's face from the pictures. 

In 1986 The Psychic Monkey performed another vanishing act. Many believe it was due to his painful breakup with girlfriend Madonna, (pictured right; at David Lee Roth's birthday party)

The Psychic Monkey had many friends in the record industry. He was particularly close with Van Halen frontman David Lee Roth

He disappeared from his hotel room and out of site for ten years, abandoning a writing assignment from Playboy Magazine. He was presumed dead.

Ten years later, in 1996, rumors started flying. There was Psychic Monkey sightings at every point on the globe. At the end of 96, the Psychic Monkey made it official when he took the stage at a Pearl Jam show in Montgomery, Alabama. Obviously quite intoxicated, he climbed up the microphone stand of Pearl Jam frontman, Eddie Vedder and attempted to sing. The crowd went crazy. Vedder picked the monkey up and carried him on his shoulder for the remainder of the show.

The next day, the Psychic Monkey made a statement to the press that he was back, but not interested in returning to journalism, or any writing of any kind. He announced that he was, in fact, joining the growing pro-monkey/anti-human movement. He said that his evening spent with Vedder (who is known for his political activism) had inspired him, and that he had decided that it was time for action.

The Psychic Monkey started the "Monkey See Monkey KILL" foundation, a militant protector of monkey rights, in 1998 and has since been a crusader for the rights of all primates.

He broke his oath to "never write professionally" in 1999, when Rolling Stone asked him to cover Woodstock 99. Rolling Stone had hoped to bridge the gap between the idealism of the sixties and the angst of nineties. Their plan backfired when the Psychic Monkey (again, quite intoxicated) took the stage during a set by The Red Hot Chili Peppers and began shouting anti-human propaganda. Before long he had the crowd so riled up and angry that they began breaking and setting fire to things. The Psychic Monkey was arrested for inciting a riot (and a sexual assault charge... singer/poet Jewel claimed that the Pyschic Monkey had attempted to perform oral sex on her. The Psychic Monkey claims to have merely passed out and found her lap to be the softest place to land. The charge was dropped after he gave her the Psychic Monkey Stare) and was released on a $25,000 bail, paid by Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder.

After performing the mandatory community service and making a public apology, all charges were dropped. The Monkey spent the next year living with a "close friend" in Sacramento, California, laying low and watching a lot of TV.